A Call to Fathers and male members of the family

Parenting is taken very seriously in our Indian culture. Mothers play a pivotal role in bringing up our children. But the scenario has changed completely today. Unlike the occasional 'guest appearance' by a father in earlier times, today's father is an active parent. Actually, he has little choice! Mothers are moving on to careers and, at the very least, part-time jobs with flexible hours. So it is no longer a priority or prerogative for the mother alone, the male involvement in child rearing and bearing is of utmost importance today. While it's true that women are the ones who give birth, but how can anyone forget that the father will be the most important man in her baby's life.

New fathers can find that their role completely changes once the baby arrives. They move from being in an interchangeable partnership to a position where they need to care for and support the mother so she can provide for the baby. The term male involvement includes two aspects, namely, male responsibility and male participation. Male responsibility stresses the need for men to assume responsibility to care for the offspring, active participation in family life and in the new mother's special health and nutrition needs. Male participation refers to men's supportive roles in their families, communities and workplaces to promote gender equity and equality, women's empowerment, sharing of household chores and childrearing among other things.

When it comes to the birth itself, the old notions of fathers pacing up and down outside the delivery room no longer apply. From the initial reaction of accepting and welcoming fatherhood, to emotionally being with the partner through pregnancy, from cleaning her vomit to buying her choice of food and pickle is not easy for men. Many organizations have introduced paternity leave, which is in recognition of the importance of fathers' involvement.

Things like not helping out more around the house (just expecting things to remain clean), being clueless about baby's daily needs, and not knowing the best way to care for the little one (putting cap and gloves on the children when it's cold outside) always frustrated and agonized the mothers and gave ample reason for the woman of the earlier decade to be upset with their partners.

But today things have changed. What is happening today, is that men are pioneering a new model of maleness, a new form of masculinity - caring, sharing responsibility and being non-violent. At its core, this new model of maleness is all about shared responsibilities rather than domination, planning for a secure future rather than instant gratification, and open and honest communication between husband and wife, between partners, and between parent and child.

The new age male is striving towards

After the baby's birth, men should try to pitch in as much and as quickly as possible. There is a lot to learn in those first few weeks: breastfeeding, washing, changing, comforting and simply learning the rhythms of a new baby. A father needs to be involved with all these, just like the mother.

He should not avoid caring, thinking that the mother's care is natural and her expertise as she has more opportunity to practice these skills. The male upbringing in the Indian society confers the construct that child rearing and bearing is solely a women's task.

It is important for the husband to be equally involved in all of these activities. There will be observed differences in the way the baby is handled.

Babies learn through play and take in information through touch, taste, sight, hearing and smell. In the early months and beyond, these senses provide the information that your baby will use to feel reassured and comforted and be stimulated to grow.

As a father, playing with your baby is vital, and helps your baby develop physically, intellectually and emotionally.

There is a growing amount of data that documents the need for more fathers to interact and contribute meaningfully in the lives of their children. Male involvement directly impacts the educational stability of children and enhances their personal growth and development during various stages of their lives. Involved fathers provide practical support in raising children and serve as models for their development. Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior compared to children who have uninvolved fathers. Committed and responsible fathering during infancy and early childhood contributes emotional security, curiosity, and even improved math and verbal skills.

Let your child develop harmoniously in dialogue with mother and father!

With the arrival of the baby the relationship between husband and wife will undergo a change. There may be some initial strain and tension in the relationship. But there is nothing that the two partners cannot solve by making time for each other and talking things out. After childbirth each partner has his or her own expectations and apprehensions. Some of the things that men worry about after childbirth are:

A woman too has her own fears and apprehensions:

To begin with the baby may interfere in the relationship between husband and wife. But over a period of time these differences can be resolved. It is important to talk and listen to each other. Here are a few tips how to be a good listener.

Once you become parents, it becomes very difficult for both partners, to find time to spend together as a couple. A newborn baby takes up all the time of both the mother and the father. Though it may seem that the baby is affecting your relationship, it is not so. A baby doesn't damage a good relationship and a baby doesn't improve a bad one. It is ultimately up to the partners to find time for each other no matter how difficult it is or how tired they are. Here are a few things you can do to keep your relationship alive:

Sexual relationship maybe affected to a great extent once the baby is born. Since this important aspect of your relationship is affected this may take a toll on your relationship. As a new mother the demands of your baby, exhaustion, unhappiness with bodily changes after childbirth and the effect of breastfeeding may alter the amounnt of time you have together and type of sharing. Your partner may feel that you have only time for the baby and not for him. While you may feel that everyone is only making demands on you and you don't have any time to rest or to yourself. Making time to improve your sexual relationship will help you and your partner. Here are few things you should remember:

Many couples report that these are difficult issues to address. It can help to use a counselor to provide a neutral and safe place for these discussions.